Dodging a Bullet

I love TV. I know, I shouldn't love it so much, but I do. You know those people that tell you, "Oh, we don't even watch television, we like to read, talk, play family board games, we don't even miss it. We have A television, in the den, hardly ever watch it....you know, unless something educational is on..."(insert name of a channel no one has ever heard of, here.) Well, to those people I say, "Fuuuck You." I friggin love my TVs. I have a 50 incher in the living room, a 27 incher not 20 feet away in the kitchen, a 36 incher in the office, a 19 incher in the garage, and a 36 inch, flat panel at the shop. Hell, I have more televisions than I have rooms in my house!

Last night, after our daughter went to bed, Wifey and I were getting ready to watch whatever the DVR recorded. LazyBoy..check, cocktails..check, snack..check, dogs sleeping..check. We start 'Fringe' (new favorite network show). Then IT happened. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. My friend SONY shuts down, just f'ing turns off! Turn it back on. A minute later, off. I am no TV repairman, I don't have the ultimate set of tools (Spicoli). I try to fix it the best I can by repeatedly turning it back on an cursing, but that didn't do it. I look around for Wifey for some comfort, but she already has the user manual in her hands. How the hell can she find that so fast? Seems like I am not the only addict in the house. My Bride and I are horrified at this point. Looking at each other and thinking that if we don't get this damn thing running again, soon, we will have to actually have to fill our time reading, watching live TV, with commercials and no premium channels (wow, look at that goosebumps, just typing it!), or heaven forbid, talking to each other!! We've been married over 12 years, what is there left to say? Last night we got to talk to each other about how pissed we were the television crapped out. But really, how long is that going to last, three, four days tops? Have you seen the start of Kubrick's 2001, when the chimps panic around the monolith? Yep, us in our living room. Like cavemen after their fire goes out. Let's assess the situation: Can't disconnect DVR and hook it up in the den, cuz we will lose all recorded shows. (it is the new fall season.) Can't bring den TV to living room, cuz it weighs about 200lbs (old technology) and my brother is asleep at home, although, it IS an emergency...nah.

What followed was an hour of fiddling, button pushing, cussing, reading the user manual..again, dust blowing (don't go behind your television if you have tile floors, 2 dogs, and a wife with arms too short to dust all the way back there.), reviewing work schedules for possible repairman visit, drinking, and drinking. I finally got the red led light to blink this morning. The light that indicates the projector lamp had finally burned out. I guess it was on its way out, but no red light, that's the only repair I can make myself, "Show me the goddamn red light, you bastard!"

Now, I consider myself a patient man, maybe a bit of a procrastinator. Some may call it lazy. Change oil light on in the truck, it's a lease. Time for dental check up, they look good to me. "Dad, remember when you started fixing my bedroom wall..6 month's ago?", OK, really no excuse there. Car wash, it'll rain eventually. Dogs need their rabies shots, just don't make them mad. Daughter has a compound fracture, walk it off. You get the drift. But first thing this morning, guess who was scouring the Internet for a Sony XL-2004 projection lamp? Most places shipped next day. Next day? F that! It is Thursday. Survivor, My Name is Earl, CSI, Eleventh Hour, The Office, oh no my friend, this IS happening TO-DAY!

I found a place in Huntington Beach called Adam's Electronics that had it in stock, hauled ass down there, and ended up next to a guy buying a Sony XL-2000 projection lamp for his big screen that took a dump on him 2 days ago. Two days! You are a stronger man than I, my friend. He said he was from Anaheim Hills, and his story was identical to mine. We should have carpooled, maybe got a group discount.

Well, after $214, and a good surf session missed, we are now fully operational. Whew, that was way too close for comfort.