Someone asked me the other day, "Do you surf EVERYDAY?" My disarming reply was, "No, sometimes I play golf." The dude started chuckling, and I started chuckling, but thinking, I'm not kidding. What would this guy think if I told him I was serious?
I'm turning 39 Thursday. How the fuck did that happen? For some reason I have been thinking more and more about my age. I think about it every time I take two Advil every night, so I don't wake up at 4am with back pain. I think about it every time I look at my watch in the ocean feeling I have been surfing for hours, to realize it has been 45 minutes. I think about it every time I hear a song I liked in college on the radio during a 'Flashback Weekend'. I never really thought too much about it until Jimbo died. Jim knew he was going to die for a year. Every time I would mentally put something off for another day, say I always wanted to do this.....but, he would tell me to never put off something for later, because you never know when the game is going to be over. Jim only had to say this a couple times to me before I heard his voice in my mind each time. At Jim's memorial service I was blown away by how much he had done in his life. I'm not saying how much good stuff, or even stuff I can repeat here, but how much he crammed into his rather shortened life.
Everyday I see people my age come into the shop. They look old. They drive up in their Mercedes and BMWs, grab dinner from me, and drive back to their gated communities. These are all thing I always thought I wanted. These are the things I went to college for. Funny thing, when I talk with these people, they seemed beat down. They aren't enjoying life right now. They constantly complain about their job on their Bluetooth while paying for their pizza. They are hoping to enjoy life later. Only problem is there might not be a later. Not just their mortality, but that fat 401K has dwindled, that huge house they paid $2 million for is worth half that now.
It's kind of weird. The older I get, the less I need. I never thought it would be like that. It was always, "I can't wait to get older and get a bunch of cool shit." Even playing golf or surfing, I tend to look around and appreciate my surroundings and enjoy the details. The smell of the grass, the sun shining off the water, listening to birds in concert with the other players frustration, watching young kids get waves and feeling their enthusiasm and stoke after each ride. Maybe I just want life to slow down now that I am halfway through it.
I wish I could to talk to young Sean and share what I have learned. There was an entire year I didn't surf. That is unfathomable to me now. Truthfully, looking back, there really is not much I would change. I had a lot of fun. I just wished I had had more of it while my body was able to recover quicker. I don't feel 'old', I just feel 'older'. To use a golf analogy, I feel like I am making the turn (halfway through a round of golf) in my life. I'm a couple over par on the front, and I just need a couple of birdies on the back to get back to even par. Hell, why not try to get into red figures, huh? Might as well go for both par 5's in two.
I may be rambling, but I wanted to get this down. I have to go clean my clubs, I tee off at 8:30 tomorrow, yes a Wednesday. And then spend Birthday Thursday morning surfing and the rest of the day and night at the Jimmy Buffett concert. Oh yeah, I'm slowing down, almost geriatric.
6 comments:
I hear you brother. I know the last thing you want t hear at this point is how old your "little brother" is feeling, but I definitely know how you feel. Turning 36 and beginning the "downslide" to 40 is tripping me out and making my head spin. Although I don't live in a gated community or drive a high performance, German engineered car, I do own a Bluetooth headset and have obviously taken a more "corporate" path than you have...and went 5 years without surfing...man, I will never lose that kind of perspective again.
I sympathize with you guys! I'll be 62 in October and totally turned off when cute young things call me "Sir!" I swear my teeth are crumbling despite my obsessive compulsive attention to dental hygiene. If I didn't use Grecian Formula, I'd look like the old guy in the "Up" trailers. After dutifully jogging since 1968 after reading "Aerobics," I hurt my right ankle before Christmas and have had my mileage cut from 15 miles a week to 7 and it ain't gettin better! I dread getting a doctor involved, which I used to do readily when younger, because I have learned they aren't perfect, and in fact can make things worse. I'm down to damage control instead of restoring health! I do take great joy, however, in where I live, that is a great compensation! I love my house, mostly because I am close to the warm ocean I love (though it's costing us way more than it should). I have a line in the sand because I love you guys and your families. I am retiring July 1, 2011, no ifs ands or buts! Then we spend months with you and months where I love, here, hopefully with you visiting. But we'll see much more of each other. As you age, you do what you guys are doing, look back and savor the great things in your life. You two are among the best in my life! Love, the Geezer
Ian,
5 years without surfing?! I thought you'd be worse at it. I don't wear a bluetooth because its the last bit of anarchy I have left, just the adrenalin rush alone of driving and using my hands to talk on the phone while keeping an eye out for the man, what a high! And you are barely "corporate", you prolly have as many suits as I do. And where are you going next week? Oh that's right, a 'bunch' of the Hawaiian Islands, and not a desk to be found. Nice.
Dad,
I can only hope to be where you are at at 62. You're being rewarded for all the crap you had to put up with at work through the years. Enjoy every day. Don't worry, we will be seeing a whole lot of you in the coming years, especially since we now have a place to crash in the islands. You don't mind if I store a board in the garage, do you?
You crash here any time you want! That's the nicest thing I have heard in way too long, thank you! You can stash your board in my BED if you want! (The way my back is these days I probably need the SUPPORT!) Sean, I would welcome a diving buddy (and budette, Dawn!) and Ian, I will learn surfing and we (with your Bro) can do my heaven the North Shore (I think you've heard of it!) plus hang at Buffet's and the "other" Margaritaville, oh, oh, I don't need lessons for that! I love Hawaii. Everyman finds his own paradise, an overused word. I have been fortunate to travel to Europe, Asia, Canada, Mexico, the Indian Ocean and across the US, including Florida and the Keys, and Hawaii is the most beautiful place on Earth. Yesterday I flew to Hilo for a meeting at the airport conference room about upgrading Hilo Harbor. We flew around the north of the Big Island, a beautiful view of the Hamakua Coast and Mauna Kea with her beautiful telescopes in full view, and as we swept along the East Coast into the airport, I remembered the time we all went into Hilo airport and got the rental car and drove through Waimea into Puako. That was one of my best vacations ever, largely because of the great times we had with you two! The whole place reeks of our history here! Look forward to reliving lots of that with you! Love, Robinson Crusoe (don't send a rescue party!)
It is wonderful that you are enjoying the small, but important, things in life. Times goes by too quickly. So many times I wish I had the times back when you guys were small and and our family of 4 did stuff together and laughed, cried and even got upset with each other. I wish I could be part of your daily lives like when you were small, sharing your happy and sad times, and the routines out lives took. Enjoy your family each day because you won't get those days back. Enjoy being "39" and "36" now because you will never be able to say "oh, I'm in my thirties" again! Love Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! Hope you have fun at Buffet, you youngster! Don't ever slow down!
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